i've had my share of desktop/helpdesk support over the years. having focused/specialized in crypto, i don't do any computer support now. i still laugh & feel sorry for my fellow brethren that have to take the calls or go on calls (poor souls). below is a list of "actual" helpdesk calls that are painfully funny. some of you may even relate to the people that placed these calls. us techs will pray for you. :>0 enjoy!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
still on my desk... sorry...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a
capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.
And last but not least...
Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
7 comments:
did your keyboard come with you?
that is classic. that's why i can't work for a help line, i would have no idea how to get someone to realize their keyboard wasn't plugged in with such ingenious techniques
Pretty funny!
Oops, how did that happen? I'm anonymous!
...what idiots...everyone knows that Internet Explorer is not an anti-virus program...in fact, it is a program that greatly encourages viruses...
diga--when I use comments like that, people think I'm being a smart alec and or sarcastic.
cust: I need to send a fax, where should I go?
me: right there under the orange sign that says "fax services"
cust: Where do I sign?
me: on the line labeled "signature".
cust: I'm trying to save my file and it's not letting me.
me: where are you trying to save it?
cust: I don't know. Where is it supposed to go when I save it?
me: do you have a disk you wanted to save it onto?
cust: What do you mean?
me: If you want to save it and be able to bring it with you, you need a disk.
cust: Where do I get one of those?
Oops, I forgot one, but this one happened to a co-worker, not me:
cust: Can I send this fax in an envelope? It's confidential, and I don't want anyone to see it.
co-worker: You could send it in an envelope and I guarantee NOBODY will see it, including the person you're sending it to.
Oooooooh! Did the co-worker get in trouble?? :)
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