the jackhammering of freedom

have you ever thought that healing would/should happen as a 1-time-event? "okay, Lord, i confessed, asked forgiveness, & repented- make it all (consequences, effort, discipline, obedience) go away, now! please!"

many times we view the process of healing/restoration/renewal as a one-shot-deal. one paradigm is "some" people think that once you're saved that you're all better now. "the bible says i'm a new creation in Christ, so i'm all better now." quite honestly, that paradigm is dangerous & downright counter-productive. many christians, including myself, have lived w/the guilt of attempting to balance the new creation scriptures with what's truly going on inside (mind, heart, emotions, etc...). there's often a silent, self-imposed rule that we must pretend on how things are "really" going in our lives.

if we could shift our paradigm a bit, i believe it would take a tremendous & unnecessary weight off of our shoulders. here's the better paradigm, in my opinion, for viewing healing/transformation/sanctification: Jesus often takes us through a process of learning, applying, & building when it comes to our weaknesses/areas needing healing. i'm finding that people dont like this paradigm of working through a process. we often want a snap of the fingers, wave of the wand, or Daddy to take it all away. we want God actions as fast as we want our food. we often don't want what it takes to allow God to mold us, break us, & make us. we often give "lip service" when we sing words in the previous sentence.

here's a personal example of what i'm talking about, today: w/o going into all the details of my childhood (very few know the details), i will say that there was/is a lot of pain/trauma to be healed. i'm not embarrassed to say that. the effects of my past caused me to make vows & to rely heavily on myself. we're all familiar w/self-reliance & independence. "i can handle this. i will take care of this. i will get done what needs to be done. i will make it happen. only i can be trusted to take care of me. and so on......" you'll notice how "i/me" centered my comments/vows were.

how fair is it to have to heal from my childhood, then be required to change even more from the effects of it? not only did i get terribly hurt, but now i have to walk through re-wiring, reparenting, & the consequences of my actions? i've asked Jesus those questions. my human brain could not wrap itself around this. God's ways are not my ways. He's obviously working things for my/our good that can't be seen in the current circumstance/consequence/trial/trouble. this takes faith.

just recently received an insight from the Lord (as if i've never heard this before): "Jay, you are stubborn. you are prone to pride. I want to help you w/this. the self-reliance & distrust of others needs to be healed. i want you to come to Me to be your Daddy. to fully/completely be your Daddy in all situation & times. pride comes before the fall. I cannot be around pride. this pride in your heart gets in the way of us. "

freedom is gained by truth. getting to the truth is not always easy. to lose my life is to gain it. the process of losing my life will be hard. the trimming of vines is always painful. then comes healthier fruit. dying to our flesh/having it stripped away (figuratively speaking) is painful. for me it takes jackhammering on the hard surface around my heart. He knows my language & how to get my attention. the jackhammering of my soul is welcomed, because the truth sets me free.

is God pointing something out to you that he wants to prune? yes, it will be hard. yes, it takes practical steps & spiritual steps. yes, it takes consistency & persistence. from me to you: i have seriously considered giving up on the healing process. i have screamed @ God for the seeming unfairness. i have cried countless times. i have begged Him to take away all the pain & not require me to work through anything more. i have been embarrassed. i have had the "who cares anymore" attitude. BUT most/more importantly: i'm committed to Jesus, i want to be healed, & i'll do WHATEVER it takes! will ya join me?