i've had this recurring thought through the years: am i praising God w/all that i have or am i holding back? i've made separate compartments in my brain for worship @ home & worship @ church on sun. @ home, i often am overcome by the Holy Spirit & find it hard to keep on my feet. if i manage to stay on my feet, i sway & often feel like i'm floating.
most often my experience is one of falling to my knees. for me, getting on my knees allows for a great deal of work to be done. the joy of gratitude is often overcoming. i look to thank Jesus for any/every thing & i sense His arms around me. @ times, i sense His impartation of things i need placed in me to grow & to share w/others. i mostly enjoy being w/Him, in His presence, & in awe.
@ church on sundays, i'm quite a bit ADD & distracted by anything. i have moments of concentrated worship & then off i go on a thought or sight (because i peek through my eye-lids). for the last few months, i' ve wanted so badly to feel free to drop to my knees while singing. it's almost as if God is prompting me to do so, but i resist. what will people think? what will people say? i don't want to be a distraction. i don't want to act like i'm being all spiritual.
bottom line: my hope is to step out a little bit @ a time in worshipping on sundays. it's so fake to be inhibited or worry about what others think or might say. i'm going to attempt to look past that sort of thing. if i want to fall to my knees- i will. if i want to dance- i will. no matter how goofy it may be- i crave giving myself, wholly/completely, to the One who isn't ashamed of me.
Lord, please forgive me from withholding from You. i want to dance, because of the joy inside. help me to dance like david did!
p.s. i promise to keep my clothes on. ;-)
3 comments:
...it is funny how in today's self-conscious world, it is easier to worship God w/abandon in your closet than in church. To me that element of "someone's watching" is a tough one...
this is really good jay because i think it is a direct reference to the scripture that says "true worshipers will worship in spirit and in truth" our spirits can get pretty excited and really make us feel like we could fly of the ground when we are feeling His spirit within and then to be truly worshiping means we have no other thought on our minds then to make God famous. i think its awesome when people worship with everything they have within and then some. i also think it's awesome when people don't feel like worshiping and then push through that to get to where they realize its so not about how we feel its about giving God glory that He is so so so worthy of. i am with you on this one.
i am so add that i have a hard time worshipping at church unless i am actually participating in some fashion (playing or sound - even sound is a little sketchy sometimes). i am with you there. i have a hard time focusing on anything at any time, and it is something i think God is working on in me.
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