have you ever woken up & just knew that you didn't want to be "social"? no real reason in particular, just wanting to be alone & private? for me, a partial reason could be that i'm "social" all day @ work & all night @ home w/the 4 ladies.
this last sun., i found myself trying to be "unseen" @ church, because i didn't want any social interaction. i know this sounds horrible, but it's the truth. my plan to be "unseen" was working very well up until the greeting time. i went back there to get some coffee as the invisible man. the Lord had other plans.
this guy w/glasses & an accent came up to me & introduced himself. i saw that he had the ear-piece on for speeching, so i just assumed that it was the pastor from germany. as i gave my brief, "i'm doing well, thanks", & attempted to go back to my seat; he put his hand out to shake mine & told me that he was glad that he got to meet me".
as i listened to the speech, i was "feeling/sensing" an increase in God's presence. i don't know if this happened to everyone, but it did to me. i wanted a prophecy for me. i won't lie. i was hoping to hear something about my life now or something that would happen in the future. i wanted/want to have a fresh word on where my life is going. sure, i've had prophecies & words of knowledge spoken over me before; however, i want to make sure that what would be spoken now, could be confirmed to what was spoken over me as a child.
i've always wondered about the prophecies spoken over me as a child. maybe, just maybe, the words spoken over me were motivated by men wanting to appear prophetic or important. maybe, they really liked my parents & wanted to speak "great" things over me. maybe, they were really speaking the truth. i was hoping to hear something on this last sun. i will wait.
after service, i didn't want to talk to anyone. i was digesting the words spoken & attempting to process them in a healthy way. i attempted to remain invisible, but people kept coming to talk to me. after talking w/a few people, i still wanted to be alone. sitting behind me was a guy that i want to get to know better. i had thoughts of striking up conversation w/him, but i didn't want to. soon, the prompting/leading to initiate contact w/him was heavy on me & started to think that there was something to it.
i went & initiated contact, not really wanting to, & not wanting to talk, but as a few minutes of talking w/this guy went by, i was realizing that it was good & enjoyable. i was being blessed by talking w/him. what do i believe that the Lord was saying to me in this?
- you gotta be friendly to have friends
- sometimes it's good to step out of your personality comfort zones
- once i get past the intial struggle- i always enjoy what i'm being prompted to do
- you gotta work towards those things that are important/of value to you (making a friend w/someone that i like & that can't be explained w/words).
later-
5 comments:
I always try to sit by myself at church, mostly because I'm a bit of a germ freak(I didn't that the portrayal of Howard Hughes behavior in "The Aviator" was all that odd). I try to make a point of not meeting people, which cuts down the chance I may have to touch (because of shaking hands) someone I do not know.
In any case, your point is easier said than done for me, but it still remains true.
davido- i REALLY understand your ocd stuff. i know of some ways that could help you in this area. not that you necessarily want help or my help at that, but wouldn't it be nice to not get stuck on certain things all the time? i've found some ways to help w/mine. note: none of what i've said has any sarcasm.
Thanks, but it doesn't restrict me too much; I don;t even pray about it. It's not as though I wear plastic gloves or anything. I just make littel adjustments like not taking napkins on the top of a stack, etc. I always wonder if anyone is watching my routine when I get coffee and donuts at church; it's probably pretty funny.
to answer your first question, yes i have mornings when i don't want to be social at all. when mornings like that fall on a sunday it can make for difficult interactions. sometimes i can't wait to meet all the new people and then other mornings i just want to sit with the people i know love me(comfort zone)God is good to be the one that challenges us in those areas though.
i don't remember you trying to talk to me @ church. hmmmmmmm. thanks for the kind words. i'm looking forward to you guys coming for dinner soon.
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