outside the Umbrella

in late summer of 2004, me & the fam were in 29 palms, ca. our (my grand idea/scheme) was to plant a church. my thought process went something like this: i'm a foursquare pastor, i can do this, i have the skills to pull this off, this stuff can't be that hard, i have a dream, i'm gonna change the world, etc... :-)

our (my) mission, i thought, was to support our marine troops stationed in 29 palms & their families. though this is a noble cause, i discovered w/ much pain, that it was not "my" cause. heck, i was in the marine corps, who better than someone like me providing support & connection to marines & their families?

presumption/assumption seems to be the resounding word(s). i took running off of emotion to another level. pride mixed w/ a dreamer that is impulsive- proves to be highly volatile. we (i) decided to leave behind family, friends, girl's schools, house, ministry, "protection", & venture into the land of presumption. this would prove to be incredibly foolish & would result in the hurting of all involved.

i presumed/assumed that i could get a good paying job on the base doing my classified networking stuff. who wouldn't want me, right? once they heard i was there, they'd create a spot for me if there wasn't already one open, right? & if i had to wait, it wouldn't be any longer than a month or so, right? i worked as a janitor, groundskeeper, delivery boy, ditch-digger, painter, & others to try to make ends meet. if you know me, you know that none of the jobs above even comes close to how i'm wired & gifted. the most notable job was digging holes for a pipeline company. i was assigned to "Jake's" crew & it was his mission to figure me out (not to mention that he initiated me daily into the realm of where "real men" work. each day of work was a "rubbing of an open blister" kind of event. he had this favorite thing he'd say, "you don't know sh!t. you need to go work in the office w/ the ladies".

when i worked as a groundskeeper, i was responsible for cleaning the bleachers. i was provided a really long hose & a puddy knife. what's w/ the puddy knife, right? it was used for scraping off any gum or chewing tobacco that had permanently affixed itself to the "grooved" texture of the bleachers. i was making $6.46 an hour.

neither of the jobs above were beneath me; however, i didn't get two degrees in Information Systems to do them. here's a resounding question on this one: did i go through 13 years of college education to do this? what's wrong w/ this picture? i went to school & was provided the education by God to do something else. why am i working 3 part-time jobs & still several hundreds dollars short each month? God, why did you bring us here & not provide for us?

did i mention that it's incredibly foolish/stupid/immature to do big things like uprooting your family to go live w/ another family & not have a job? why didn't i think of the Proverbs in any of my decisions? how could my grand idea/scheme take precedence over the Word, family, job, ministry & all God's blessings? it would take me writing a book to answer that.

overall lessons learned:

• presumption/assumption is foolish/impulsive/immature
• being unsettled or having to change the world (right now) may be due to deeper emotional problems
• wife & children are precious & priority (only 2nd to God)
• God's blessings in our current situations are everywhere. never forget the blessings in your current situation. don't let a critical spirit creep in on you.
• always communicate your thoughts to family & friends: be open to receive input & opinions of wise counsel (people you trust & have track records of being solid)
• no need to rush. any "perceived" direction/revelation from God can/should be prayed on, wise counsel sought, & plenty of waiting/patience. test what you've heard. anything that must be done, today, w/o any consideration from above factors should be highly questioned. does God give us revelation/direction & expect it to be done by nightfall?
• most choices/decisions are not as hard as we make them. the Word/Bible has wise direction on every "principle" we encounter.
• there's a call on our lives. we share a common call according to the Word. we also have individual calls on our lives that are unique to us as individuals. God will reveal His plan for each of us in His timing. our aim only need be to live each day loving, shining the light, & being obedient. God builds our unique "road", one brick @ a time.
• really be honest w/ yourself. are you being who you think you should be or want to be? are you being authentically/really your- self?
• relax & find the peace/freedom that Jesus gives. our inclination may be to rush, because that's what we've learned. win, succeed, excel, move up the ladder, get it now, i can't wait, i'm gonna make this happen,- should be warning signs.

to be outside the Umbrella is to be in a hail storm!!!

i'm so glad that we're back home & safe. this is our home & anything God does will be revealed to me when He does. i still have ideas of church planting. i still have ideas on providing "healing" in its various forms to hurting people. this time, i'll let God be God (in charge).

p.s. not everything i've said will be the same for you & your situation; however, i ask that you glean the "principles" that are non-negotiable when it comes to obeying God out of His word. if i can provide a voice of warning out of my mistakes- let it be so. amen.

love ya,

jay