shattered lives

dear __________,

it wasn't good to hear from ya, last night. i could tell that you were high as a kite on meth & pot. i know how you/people sound when they're toasted. i'm frustrated that you always return to your vomit. i know that sounds hard, but it's true. sorry, to hear that that our biological family has exiled you. sorry, to hear that you've been on the streets for a while. i know it can't be easy. sorry, to hear that you & your long-time girlfriend broke up. glad to hear that your son is doing well. sorry, to hear that you are afraid that someone is following you to kill you. sorry, to hear that you weren’t involved in dad’s funeral services. i wasn’t either. i know you were close to dad & i’m sorry for your hurt.

our family has been shattered into pieces over the years. i know there’s nothing i can say to you to make it all better. i’m not Jesus, but i know He loves you. i know that you love Him, too. you’re so deep into the enemy lies that you can’t see out. i’ll intercede in prayer for you. i’d like for you to be healed of your addictions & demonic bondage. i’ve seen it tear you apart for far too long.

i’m going to tell you some things for the last time. i know that you have forgiven me for them, but I think it important to mention them one last time:

i’m sorry for getting you involved in the skinheads

i’m sorry for getting you involved in drugs

i’m sorry for teaching you how to be violent

i’m sorry that you trusted me as your big brother & i led you down wrong paths

i’m sorry that i haven’t gotten to know you as an adult

i’m sad that our family shattered into pieces

i’m sorry we had to encounter all the abuse & nobody ever knew

i’m sad that our parents exposed us to the “other” side

i hope & pray, still, that you open yourself up to healing. it takes obedience & a lot of hard work. this i know. My heart is crushed whenever i think of you & your life. so much wasted potential. the last time i saw you was when you came to church drunk/high. i miss you, but know you’re not safe to be around right now. i pray that God send you angels while you’re living on the streets to keep you safe & to help you. i’m sorry, but i can’t come & save you. i have a family of my own to care for & to make sure they’re safe. sorry, bro, but i can’t trust you around me & especially my family. i pray for divine intervention, tonight, as you look for a place to sleep & drugs to ease the pain.

may God bless you & keep you safe,

jay