obsessive compulsive disorder:
a psychoneurotic disorder in which the patient is beset with obsessions or compulsions or both and suffers extreme anxiety or depression through failure to think the obsessive thoughts or perform the compelling acts. Abbreviation OCD; called also obsessive-compulsive neurosis, obsessive-compulsive reaction.
i often hear people joke about being ocd because of this or that. i've done it, too. it's like a joking, negative label for anything "anal" or "over-focused." while it often plays out like that- that's only a small piece of what ocd truly is.
i have read extensively on ocd & have come to see that there's pretty much 3 schools of thought:
1) physiological
2) environment
3) combo of both
pretty much the nature/nurture thing all over again. i have come to be so interested, because since i was in my single digits i have struggled w/ocd. my opinion falls on #3. i think that it's both. i think that some are genetically pre-disposed to ocd & also that stressful/traumatic environments play a part. i could write a book or regurgitate a book on this, but i'll save you all the time.
i have made fun of myself & played things off when it comes to ocd. i'll make excuses for myself, because i'm embarrassed w/my behavior. i'm tired of hiding it & it's time to address it. when i say "address it", i don't mean that i'll stop doing it by will power. if will power alone could stop ocd, then i'd be cured of it a long time ago. i will look to have Jesus help me & heal me in those areas that caused ocd to creep into my life. i need healing @ the root.
so that i might share a piece of me, my hope is that through listing my "ocd stuff" that you can be praying for me. also, i hope that if any of you that read this can relate- that you could feel like there's someone else in this (you're not alone):
- pull my hair out
- pick my scalp
- grow my finger-nails long & obsess on them
- count cracks on the ground by clicking my tongue
- count high way mile-markers by clicking my tongue when abreast of mile-marker
- touch my pinky to things on walls as i walk by them.
- re-read sent e-mails until i'm sick to my stomach
- get "stuck" on thoughts & emotions
- i feel really weird when touching: paper products- paper towels, tissue, etc
- i feel really weird w/shirt & pants textures
- sensitive to light & heat
- over-analyze & pick-apart
- and so on......... you get the picture......
the things listed above are things i do, because i feel that i have to. if i don't, then i feel fearful or "incomplete." i hope this hasn't freaked you out. i'm just desiring to speak frankly about things that happen to us, down here, & that there's hope to be free of it. it costs a lot. each item must be addressed & Jesus' truth placed over each lie. this takes work. i'm ready. i'm willing. please pray for me.
6 comments:
Will do, jaybird. The praying shall commence immediately. :)
Are you against medicating yourself?
thanks, jeni.
davido- no, i'm not against medications for this. as i stated, i believe that it is a combo of physiological & environmental factors. in coming @ this my preference is to look @ emotional healing first, so that maybe healing in that spot will actually alter the physiological part. this deep-level emotional healing can be accomplished through a prayer-type method called theophostic. with that said, i'm looking into some natural/holistic supplements to help me out (5-htp/l-tryptophan). so, i'll be trying something natural & receiving prayer ministry on this. make sense?
Yep. Just curious. Some Christians take what can only be seen as a christian scientist mindset when it comes to psychological/physiological problems.
My medication for these types of things is to be so transparent/self-depricating with everything I do that is the result of irrational neuroses (is "irrational" superfluous in this context?). However, I know that doesn't work for everyone.
I almost went on anti-depressants, but I didn't want to dull my senses. In other words, if I don't worry about some things, nobody will. I don't have any faith in my wife's foresight, so I obsess to the point where I can actually feel my body turning what would be normal poop into diarhea . . . seriously (This is a great example of how transparent I am when it comes to such matters).
I guess I've told myself for so long that this is not the greatest way to live, but it makes for some great stories. I wonder if I would feel the need to change if I had kids, too. Is that a catalyst for you?
I hope I'm not digging too deep here, but I'm sincerely interested.
I was here but not freaked out. I think you are a living miracle. I'm looking forward to discussing this with you this weekend (if that's okay) as my daughter number two has been pulling her eyelashes and eyebrows out for years and we've never been able to get her "fixed."
davido- thanks for sharing your stuff on this. you are transparent & i appreciate that about you. he catalyst/driving-force behind persuing this- is that i recognize that life could be "better/free-er" in not struggling w/ocd. you were very perceptive in bringing up my children. i decided long ago that my children would be raised by a healthy dad tht was treating them w/love (getting emotional help, & biblical principles) in order that the cyclical/perpetual/generational crap of families would be stopped. i wanted the buck to stop w/me. overall: ocd is a symptom of something deeper. i'm not lookin to put a band-aid on my band-aid. i'm looking to clear up the infection, so band-aids won't need to be used. so, yes, children are a huge part in driving this. i would recommend asking the Lord if He wants you take it another step. i "think" that your "interest" is indicative of a desire to dig deeper/get freed. you may want to consider some theo. my theo session for ocd is coming up w/in the next month or so- i could tell you how it goes if you're interested. just my opinion/experience. :-)
pluck- i'm more than willing to share my experience/insights in this area, tonight. i know how your daughter feels & let's just say that the "anxiety" behind it is horrible. some people are prone to being nervous/anxious/worrisome, then add some life-stressors/abuse/trauma & crap happens. look forward to seeing you & yours.
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