suicide watch

in 1997, i had the pleasure of being stationed in 29 palms. my 1st step would be going through my second usmc occupational school (1st occupation: aviation procurement/2nd: crypto & systems). previously i had spent about 4 years in yuma, az. purchasing jet parts for the usmc harrier jet.

as i checked in to my new school, i was informed by the company's commanding officer that i was chosen to lead all the marine students going through the school during this time (bravo company). most, if not all, were brand-new marines just out of boot-camp & this was their 1st usmc school. my company (which consisted of only 1 platoon) ended up having 100 marines in it. i would be responsible for them to study, customs/courtesies, uniform regulations, drill, field exercises, weapons/arms, & off duty behavior. needless to say, i was very busy & constantly amazed @ the issues that arose: vd, homosexuality, debt, fighting, alcohol/drugs, etc....... it was definitely one of the most challenging times of my life. don't forget that i was a student trying to learn & do well, too. i'm not bragging here. as i look back- this time actually cemented some of my "performance based" issues. that's another topic.

after having studied, marine-sat (like baby-sitting), pulled marines out of bars unconscious, etc.., none of this would prepare me for what happened a couple years later........

after school graduation, i get assigned to the same base in 29 palms, but now i get to do crypto/systems w/the headquarters battalion. i was real bona fide techno marine & was glad to do some ojt. shortly after checking in to my new unit, i was told that i would run the comm/crypto center (12 marines-24/7-365). this confused me a bit, because this meant that i'd be in charge of people that had higher ranks than me (sidenote: the marine corps cemented positional/competitive/performance-driven thinking in me).

on one morning, i got called into my commanding officer's office. he told me that 1 of my marines had tried to commit suicide by taking sleeping pills. when the pills didn't work, he slit his wrists. he didn't succeed @ either of them. he informed me that it was my responsibility to keep him safe. i was being assigned to suicide watch. this would entail me to be w/this marine every second of the day. i would have to be in the bathroom when he did anything in there. i would have to be standing next to his bed when he slept. i would be in cammies & carry a m16a2 semi-automatic rifle w/30 rounds of ammo on my belt (this was in case my guy decided that he wanted to hurt me). i know it sounds kind of crazy. let's kill the guy that we're trying to protect himself from himself. funny. not really.

remember when i was back @ school & taking care of 100 marines? well, i kind of looked @ my marines as numbers & got us all through the program like a machine. during this suicide watch, i got a few insights from the Lord. me & my marine talked just about the entire 24 hrs. he came from a dirt poor mexican family from east l.a. his mother was a prostitute & hid him under the bed when guys visited. he didn't know his father. his mom was addicted to alcohol, crack, & stolen prescription drugs. he often would feel like his stomach was eating itself. he would rummage through trash-cans for food & wrapped paper bags around his feet to keep warm. they moved from hotel to hotel. he witnessed his mother being abused in the most horrific ways. he was "shattered" & "broken." as i listened to his story, i couldn't hold back the tears. my marine joined the marine corps to make something of himself & to send his mom the money he made. he was trying to get his mom out of prostitution & into a place/neighborhood where she could clean up.

he told me that he had nightmares every night. he said that he couldn't trust anyone. he said the whole world was hurtful & dangerous. he didn't want to live in it anymore. he told me that his mom wouldn't speak to him anymore & never said thanks for the money he sent. his mom treated him terribly, the marine corps was too hard on him, & he had no-one that cherished/loved him. he said he picked up his stuttering problem from the guys that visited him mom everyday- he said that they would hit/slap him if he talked. this marine was totally broken. the marine corps had a way of bringing out things in people. just because you become a marine & work really hard doesn't mean that you're not the same person, deep down, that you were before joining.

it was during this suicide watch that i received another insight from the Lord: people are not numbers used to get to the top, every person was created by God & God doesn't want any to perish, people are hurting everywhere, i vowed to care for people from that day forward.

there's hurting people everywhere. they're @ church, school, work, sports, hobbies- listen to them carefully. be available. give a helping hand. i started thinking about this, because someone suicidal was brought across mindy's path recently. more people than you think are considering suicide. even @ church. let's pay attention by watching & listening.