"Keep Shining...." (Thanks to Dionne Warwick for the Blog Title)

As we/Hillside have been learning together about MMC & how it works, I got to thinking of a significant event in my life. Often we think that our "light-shining" is not helping or making a difference with the people in our lives. Often it "appears" that nothing good is happening and that sometimes were even going backwards on our efforts (by efforts I mean: being loving and kind and available).

From 1997 to 2001, I was stationed in 29 Palms. When I checked in, I was told to report to the ISSB (Information System Support Branch) for my assignment. I was fully expecting my OIC (Officer In Charge) to be a Marine Officer. Boy, was I shocked/wrong when I walked into HER office. Not only wasn't my OIC/Boss a Marine, but she wasn't a man.

As I did the formal Marine reporting stuff, I realized that I had called her, "Sir", because I hadn't had any exposure to female officers or bosses in the Marine Corps, yet. She didn't take kindly to me calling her a man & she let me know about it: "I'm not a man Corporal Bennett & you're going to come to hate me while you're here." What? Did she just threaten me? What kind of gig is this? A female Civil Servant telling me what to do, then threatening me? I didn't sign up for this (so I thought). :>)

The next ~4 years of my life, day-in and day-out, were sprinkled with encounters of me and my OIC. Her name is Deborah Penaflor. In my best estimates, she was an over-compensating female in a male-driven military. She had many years of finding it incredibly hard to progress in gov't work. She had made it and she was going to let everyone know that she had. How did she let us know? Glad you asked.

Durn near every work morning of my stay in 29 Palms, involved me being called into Debbie's office via the intercom. "BENNETT, come to my office now. BENNETT, I don't know where you are right now, but you need to get your a$$ in here right now." After that kind greeting & invitation, I would get a "talking to" while standing at the "Position of Attention" in front of her desk. I didn't understand why she apparently had chosen me to be her whipping-boy and other Marines used to remark that they felt sorry for me. I came to resent her in many ways, because of this. I didn't see the big picture of what was happening in all of this.

While in her office, she often demeaned me by saying, "You're stupid for having all those tattoos. You're too easy on your Marines- you're making them weak. Are you stupid by wasting all those hours on training your Marines? Why would you give your Marines time off for doing a good job? They should always do a good job and even more should be expected of them. You need to ride them harder. Why are you balding so quickly? Your wife will find another man if you keep balding- plus you couldn't buy a tan if you wanted one. Your pretty short for a man. Why do you keep making babies? They're going to be dumb and poor.Does your wife know that you're a dumb-a$$? etc...." Often Debbie would make me do personal chores/tasks: I was the only one to empty her trash, vacuum her floor, organize her desk, & at times get her coffee after being ordered over the intercom.

Last month, June 2006, I got called into the Fallon Site Manager's Office and was told to sit down. He told me that this may be hard to hear and that it may hurt. The look on his face was so somber- I could tell he didn't want to tell me. It was the face of when someone has to tell you that a loved one has passed. "I'm sorry to have to tell you, Jay, but your very close friend, Debbie Penaflor, died in the hospital, yesterday." What? Say that name again! "Debbie had attached a letter to her will stating that when she died, she wanted you to be contacted immediately and a small note read to you." What? "I got the e-mail this morning with what the letter said and I'd like to read it to you now, 'Jason, thank you for always having integrity. Thank you for being kind to me. Thank you for your love. You made a difference in my life.'"

Whenever you "feel" like or don't see that your loving kindness is "hitting-home/planting seeds", please remember this post. We don't always get to hear from people on how we've helped. That is not the most important thing. The helping by being "open for business" is the important thing. If you never hear the difference you're making, I'd like to tell you now: You are a life-changer, because the HS lives within you and is positively touching those around you, right now. Never doubt that. And as icing on the cake, I hope that you will get a report like I did recently. It is very encouraging.

"Keep Shining....."