It's unfortunate/saddening, but some people must be loved at an arm's distance. It's not a total and complete pushing away, but a necessary distance of safety. Safety from what? A person that has no boundaries and doesn't respect yours. A person that will sap every bit of your strength and never think of you/how you're doing. A person that buts in and demands all of your attention/time. A person whose behavior is emotionally, physically, and spiritually abusive. A person that makes digs/criticisms every chance they get. A person who's happiness hinges on your stroking of their ego. A person that will throw a tantrum when they're not given the attention they "need." A person that makes you feel guilty for making your own decisions and having your own tastes-- they need your approval, so they need you to like/agree everything they like/do.
With that being said, Jesus tells us to love on ALL people. Christians can get confusing messages in this arena. Love all and have boundaries. What does that look like? Many think that sticking with family/friends means to be willing to do anything (even to their continuous detriment) at any time. Love is not a doormat. Love has different aspects to it. It has the usual ones we think of and the ones we don't think of often: God and family as priorities 1 & 2, correction, truth-- even when it hurts, direction, and even separation if need be. Some people are not good for us. They must be loved at an arm's distance while they grow and seek healing. Let's pray that they're willing to do that.
2 comments:
it's hard to know when arm's distance is the right thing, or just the safe thing for you. very interesting topic, jay
I've found that safety with regards to my family, is a very right thing to do. Any behavior that includes verbally/mentally/physical abuse, no matter who the abuser is, is not right. We often associate "abuse" with only the physical. Research/experience is showing that passive abuse is just as damaging or in some cases more damaging than physical. Here's a few examples of passive: Often daughters are neglected/ignored, because the son gets all the attention. Often quieter children get neglected or forgotten-- their opinions/voices/preferences don't get heard that often. Parents often live through their children without even realizing it. It's one thing to pass on what a parent knows to the child-- it's another to only expose the child to the things the parent likes (vicarious living).
That's enough for now. It's already getting too long. Just some thoughts. Yours?
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