Making New Friends-- the healthy way

It is often thought that every new person we meet-- that we like and get along with-- will be a person that private, intimate information will be shared with. Many are afraid to get close to someone, because they've been hurt by "close friends" in the past. Often we mentally go the route of: all or nothing-- if I have a new friend and I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy, I tell them all my struggles and personal/family info. Or, we cover-up and protect ourselves from all humans. Often we think that the effort to make friends again is where the process ends. Actually, the process just begins at this point: meeting a new person that we like and would like to spend time with. A trusting relationship requires time and a trend that the person you're getting closer to can keep private what you share and not "share" it out of concern with others (translated: gossip).

As you know, there are friends at many different levels: Sunday, work, neighborhood, childhood, family, etc.. Within those levels-- intimacy or what can be shared must be considered (guarding one's heart). I may be able to watch football with a guy, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm talking to him about personal struggles. I may have a friend that I share the most private/personal things with that I don't normally hang-out with in a sense of watching football or hanging-out at the house. How do we tell who is who? Time and discernment.

Any person that comes into our lives must be treated with love, support, and caution (not a walled-off kind or paranoid kind of caution). A caution that is Holy Spirit led and exercised with wisdom. Humans will be humans and mistakes will be made. Personally, if I know that the new person I'm getting to know has challenges with gossip/"sharing" of personal info., I will be very careful with what I share. If I share something personal with a person that obviously struggles with keeping things private, I will share a very small bit of info. If this info. makes its way back to me because this person "shared," then I know to keep from sharing my personal issues with this person until they approach some mind renewal and emotional healing in that area. With the help of time and trust with private info. remaining private, I can start to trust someone with the very personal stuff.

Often we think that Christians will "behave" differently because they're Christian. The thing is, we still have healing and new behaviors to learn after we have started a relationship with Jesus. All our intentions can be good, our heart can be good, but our behavioral habits remain the same-- we share private info. out of the guise of "concern," we get jealous, we imagine things and form grudges, we misperceive each other's actions, we're lonely, we're insecure, and the list of possibilities goes on and is very real.

As we learn to love each other and have grace with each other's weaknesses, we must still be wise with what we share and with whom. When a relationship matures/develops and there's a record of being able to depend on someone over time with personal stuff, hold on to that friend and cherish them as a true family member.