try to explain the vaseline jar

i regularly take a jar of vaseline on my trips, so i can run or exercise. tell that to TSA/airport security when they have flagged your bag as needing to be searched. as the lady rifles through my luggage she finally discovers the vaseline jar that i have inside of a quart-sized zip-lock bag. security lady says, "sir, you know you're not supposed to have any liquid or gooey stuff over 3 ounces in your bag!" She raises the vaseline jar above her head and says, "i got it," then she tosses it in the trash.

i really wanted to explain why i had it in my luggage. i guess baltimore's scanners are getting better at detecting things. i wasn't trying to hide anything-- i just spaced that it was a gooey substance needing to be accounted for. had i chosen to explain the vaseline it would have sounded something like this, "it's to help with chafing--i use it for my nipples. i also put it between my legs. sometimes, i have to put it in my butt crack as well." :) i'm so glad i bit my tongue and walked off.

i'm convinced now that the product "vaseline petroleum jelly" cannot be seen, or talked about without a snicker. it's a shame, but also very funny. :>)